Rebelle Fleur

goodbye

2011-11-07T02:16:00.001+08:00

(here)
(here)

Thanks 4 being part of all my mmries here.
X 4lyfe.

dessert

2011-10-29T00:05:00.002+08:00

I made mango pudding for dessert on a thursday.

Still nowhere near the domestic god like H is, but wdvrrrr ahahaha

& i cannot wait to get the iphone4ssss!!!!!!!!!!

hiding my heart away

2011-10-19T21:55:00.002+08:00

So this is how the story went
I met someone by accident
who blew me away
who blew me away

It was in the darkest of my days
when you took my sorrow and you took my pain
& buried them away, you buried them away

I've been living a love song & I hope it won't end up as tragic as Adele sings.

h8ters be hatin' coz they ain't me

2011-10-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

Snapshots taken at Dad's bday dinner @ Bunker a coupla wks ago

One day u'll get much worse than all the shit that u've said abt me

til that day comes, juz you wait. Karma's gna be a real bitch.

I buried myself alive on the inside

2011-09-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

Nights have never been lovelier & warmer knwing that there's someone by your side hugging you to sleep Mornings have never been so beautiful & bright knwing u'd wake up to warm hugs & kisses

-------------------------------

❝ There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t ‘cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever. ❞

MEREDITH ; GREYS ANATOMY

jello-shots

2011-09-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

First attempt at making jello-shots, think i made a mistake of adding 6oz of water vs 6oz of vodka ahahaha. Oh well, lesson learnt: add lesser vodka if i don't wna crash earlier. That said, jello-shots r yumz.

Totally.

Parrrrty 2n9t!
xo kitties

put ur heart on ur sleeve

2011-09-22T02:19:00.001+08:00

FOOD 4 THOUGHT

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YETCON + DESSERTS @ FFT

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LEZZO BDAY DINNER @ PARADISE DYNASTY

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MNEO'S FAREWELL @ UDDER'S

image credit: amanda

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MOONCAKE MADNESS

image credit: eunice

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ECONS LECTURE

image credit: shemaine

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Tmrw:

1) driving lesson #18

2) study + econs assignment

3) drinking session @ timbre

It's been awhile and i m finally opening my heart again

0238hrs its silent & i hear myself

2011-09-14T03:10:00.006+08:00

The memories I have of 4 long years are now juz memories which doesn't contain the slightest bit of emotions. I think of the hugs on rainy days which were once so soothing & warm, but now it didn't make me miss you. So many memories but I can connect w none. Its sad that at least I can give you some dignity in moving on but u chose to be so in my face. At least I can live my days & night being sober & still be happy. At least I dont have to rely on Facebook to prove that I'm happy. All ur life u've only ever thought of getting back at people who hurt u or dumped u guess what news flash the best way u can get back at em is by being happy & not destroying urself. & no I'm not doing this cos I'm affected by what ppl are telling me abt you. I'm only doing this cos so many people r concerned abt the way u live ur fucked up life but they chose to stfu & u juz don't have a clue, do you? Hearing abt u makes me thankful tt I am not as desperate & alone in my heart.

So over this. G'night.

Zoukkkkk 01.09

2011-09-11T02:26:00.000+08:00

Twas a rowdy & crazy night, but company w the girls made it worth itttt. Think i broke my record by drinking so much vodka & a graveyard. Everything was spinning & by the next morning i had a bad hangover & many epic fail stories of myself being told to other people, all thanks to maine.

Nights out r always fun. But 4 now time to hit the books, my future's at stake.

Yes srs shit, I am saying this after only 3wks of school

& I won't be at blogspot so often.. Uknw where ta find me, don't you? X

2058hrs

2011-09-06T21:32:00.002+08:00

My hair is permanently messy & my bra likes to play peekaboo w everyone nowadays.

G'day everyone, rmbr to have some chocs when ur sad.

we'll take it to the sky, pass the moon to the galaxy

2011-08-31T01:19:00.002+08:00

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You healed these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life

orientation camps

2011-08-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

Freshman Orientation Day! - OG <31

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Canoeing Freshman Orientation Camp - OG 4

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OG 4 Meetup at Timbre

Nothing can beat signing up for a camp with no anticipation & gaining a whole buncha cool friends from the same orientation grp after. One of the best camps i've been to, hands down!

So Day 1 of school have officially started, and i'm dead beat. It's juz 3hrs of lecture & 15mins into it i started to doze off. Srrrrsly, fml. I gotta clean my act up & stop having late nights. Also, i've finally booked my driving test!!!!!! So excited! I rly can't wait to start driving, it's in my blood i swearrrrrr.

I think imma get another one of my wisdom tooth extracted soon. Juz thinking abt the surgery is making me wna shit in my pants, & the post-surgery swelling... Fml. Why can't i be born w/o any wisdom tooth! Okay i rly gotta crash. There's work again tmrw.

Can't wait for August to be over.

September, please hurry....

"God wants what is best for you."

2011-08-15T02:34:00.000+08:00

0107hrs, back from a jog. There's smth strangely peaceful abt a midnight jog, even tho its the ghost month & there's so many joss sticks and shit lying arnd the estate. I rly needed this. The past few nights have been beyond horrible, w hurtful words being exchanged and times where my heart juz doesn't wna feel anymore. I had to constantly remind myself that I am tougher than i thought i was. & the worst thing is that as much as i love the night for its peace and tranquility, its also where my thoughts come to a stop and focus on what hurts the most.

I need to cry so badly, to love songs & whenever i have to mention anything abt you. Whether its sad, happy, angry tears it needs to fall and stop getting caught in my breath. What am i afraid of, you being a memory or that i stopped feeling for you? Who knws.

Time to sleep all these thoughts away,

each passing day will be a form of healing and forgetting.

my heart's a stereo, it beats for you so listen close

2011-08-12T04:10:00.002+08:00

I think finally found a note to make you understand

If you can hit it, sing along and take me by the hand

Keep myself inside your head, like your favorite tune

You know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you

[Chorus]

My heart's a stereo

It beats for you, so listen close

Hear my thoughts in every note, oh oh

Make me your radio

Turn me up when you feel low

This melody was meant for you

Just sing along to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh so sing along to my stereo

fyeah photobombbbbbb

2011-08-04T04:08:00.000+08:00

KRABI - AONANG:

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KRABI IN LOMO:

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NISE'S BDAY LUNCH @ MA MAISON:

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NDP PREVIEW:

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BOBBI BROWN WORKSHOP:

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#1: Canoeing Orientation Camp

#2: Freshman Orientation Bash @ Zouk

#3: Never ever give your heart to someone whose in for some fun

"we kissed on the lips!!!! wooohooo!!"

2011-07-31T03:35:00.001+08:00

The one good thing that came out of this whole thing is that it forced me to be stronger. I was strong before, but being able to juz collapse and lean on someone was always an option and well, who doesn't like it. Now I am a single entity and not part of the couple eqn. Honestly, it wasn't easy. No one said it was easy anyway. Sometimes walking past places trigger memories, beautiful sad angry happy moments. Sometimes people ask questions which makes me dumbfounded, the why-the-fuck-are-you-asking-this dumbfounded. Sometimes desperate situations arise and i have to shove you out of my mind. But I chose this path and i have to look forward. As they say, for the greater good.

This is to all u wankers who say i am heartless and cold. Juz cos i can heehee haha and happy happy doesn't mean i don't feel a thing. So stfu and stop making me sound like a bitch. Oh & the walls have ears as well okay?

Will post some pictures the next time i update, goodnight 4 now X

hi i have a tan now teeheeeeee

2011-07-23T02:19:00.000+08:00

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So the week before my Krabi trip was spent eating and eating and eating.... During the trip i was eating ad eating and eating.... And now I'm back w/ a painful tan and 1kg heavier fml. What was I thinking stuffing my face like thattttt can someone tell me. Anw, Krabi was absolutely beautiful! And safe and filled with friendly, helpful locals, not to mention many many hot angmohs looking like they came straight off tumblr. Pictures another time though, since my lomo is still not developed yet.

Here's me showing off my manicure, tan (as tho anyone can see shit) and fooling arnd w/ photobooth. I had no idea there were new selections!

Yay i luv lookin like an alien. Anw OS X Lion is frrrrrickin awzm i swear! Thank you apple for the free upgrade! The only 2 things pissing me off right now is 1) How there's autocorrect when i type. And I don't even knw how to turn this shit off omg & 2) My startup's kinda lagging now. But wdvr Lion owns Leopard.

In 2 weeks time I'll be attending orientation camp, and in 3 weeks i'll be choosing whether i wna attend Freshman Camp. Everyone can do w/ meeting new people and having more friends, right? In 4 weeks, school wld've officially started. I hope I get the timetable selection i chose, bcuz it kicked ass w/ only 3 days of school, familiar faces in lects & i still get more allowance. Nice. Also, gotta start thinkin if i wna move to some campus/hostel. The ones provided by school is pretty expensive, $800ish for single room? And it ttly looks like some budget hotel room. Waddddddd hell no. I'd be pretty damn sad if I end up oversleeping for classes and screwing my attendance tho. For once I wna do well in my studies. & I hope for once the big guy up there will hear me.

Oh & the other day after watchin Monte Carlo, I was so inspired to post pictures of my Europe trip awhile back! Almost forgot how breathtakingly beautiful Paris was... Oh well that will be for another day I guess. Sleep time now, good night all you pretty babys X

fruity pebbles marshies

2011-07-18T04:58:00.000+08:00

***************

Gotta be in the airport in less than 4hrs for a flight so i rly shld crash in bed nw.

& oh.. 3 nights without your killer eyes might juz, well kill me ;<

Stay safe, everyone.

hugs misses & kisses X

skyscraper

2011-07-13T05:10:00.003+08:00

********

Headed to school today for Enrollment talk and boy was it intimidating. Close to 5 mths of not being in lectures/tutorials and now in another month I'll be a full-fledged Uni student squeezing w thousands of commuters on the mrt each morning just to get to the West. Part of me wants to give it all up juz cos I'm a wuss and don't wna deal with making new friends, attending lectures, scheduling class modules etc. The other part of me is the same ol' 20y/o who knws that a degree is always much handier than a poly cert. & all the camps might be fun right? C'mon, I practically grew up living and breathing camp life from NPCC, Youth Camps, OBS, ATC.. Only this time rnd I'll be a Freshie again..... Gotta work my ass up the academic & social ladder.

Oh and i found out an awzm hangout where Martinis cost only $6, and they don't dilute the alcohol at all. Srsly. This is even better than Timbre's, so much so that 1 glass is enough to get me red & giggly. Which was a good change cos the past week saw my stars not aligned with the constellations. I h8 the process of drinking but as we all agree, the aftereffects is good enough. At least for me. Before I end up sounding like some crazy drunkard bitch, I don't go arnd drinking til I puke or pass out. Just perfect for some good fun.

Last thing, I kinda cut my fringe after getting back cos it was getting in my eyes... Now I look like some PRC with stupid round face. Note to self: Please stay away from scissors and fire when you're not that sober in the middle of the night.

Things to look forward to:

1) Krabi in less than a week. So stoked for my final trip before school starts!!!!!! But first i needa figure a way to get my stupid fringe to miraculously grow out, and for some way to settle my dumbass eCR class schedule arrangement which falls between 18-20th, while i'm still away. Ugh shitty life.

2) that day. i'll be the happiest you'll ever find me.

// edit: bloody .gif doesn't wna work i need to sleep now gdnight

i'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing

2011-07-11T05:20:00.000+08:00

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image via gingerbreadcake.wordpress.com

I swear Sarah & I does the meanest Fruity Pebbles w/ marshies, so much so that I'm craving for 'em so badly at 450AM. We add shitload of marshies which will create an explosion in your mouth. Literally. Not even kidding. Hot damn, I rly needa get some marshies pronto.

In other news not related to food, I blew a cool USD$200 online, and then Singtel came to tell me that my phone bill for the month is $266. Who the hell charges $6/min for a call?!? Not even kidding I wna die so badly, cos I'm not even working and so far since July started, I have spent waaaaay beyond my capacity, tho this time I swear I stopped using credit & went straight to debit. In a way it's spending within my means & not on supposedly future money. It kinda scares me how I have no control over my spendings at all. Ugh.

It also scares me how unsure I am of myself & my feelings. One moment i can be having steak at Morton's while the next all I wna do is head down to Geylang for dimsum. This fickle minded shit has got to stop bcos it gets me nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

The fact that I have time to think abt so much shit means that i have been sober for way too long.

queen of everything & anything

2011-07-06T03:54:00.002+08:00

$16.05 express manicure inclusive of gst w/ the girls. Most expensive em i've ever done,
but the company was defo worth it :)

Timbre@The Art House. 12 drinks, 2 pizzas for 8 people of which 5 had subway right before lol.
2 drinks on cos its HH & i swear vodka has no effect on me anym. Tequila is the way to go!

Only putting this up cos my hair looks perfect and long and shiny and cos I'm w/
a very precious girlfriend &.... her boyfriend (CAN I SAY THIS NOW??? HEHE.)

Dinner w/ the girls where we bitched, watched Ch 8 drama and photoboothed.
I swear i do the simplest things w/ them yet i feel so happy w/ their company <3

Some backdated pictures before Qun enlisted in the army and became botak #1. Dinner at
Suki-ya (one of the bestest place for shabu shabu and ice-cream!)

Finally had Fatboy's & boy was the portion uber huge. Gotta love the rootbeer float and the entire
ambience of the place. Plus points that it's just a few shops down from EWF's Nutella Tart!!

<3333

Cut my shorts the other day cos it was just too long and fugly. I achieved a very very
jagged line and just thought to myself what the heck no one's gna give a shit just make a fold-up.

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&OMG!

On Sunday I was so consumed by boredom and all that shit that i decided my dried ends looked like shit and I've got to do smth abt it. So i took a pair of scissors, took a deep breathe and snipped my hair off. I

swear it took me so much courage just cos I did it myself (save for a friend who kept egging me on to cut shorter -_-) and i double swear that I wasn't drunk or high or anything!!! Now i (kinda) miss my long hair but i think i'll get over it by the end of the week.

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I wish i can say that this is my hair length now but out of boredom, curiosity and sudden burst of (extra) courage, I snipped another inch off..... A little depressed to take pictures after that cos looking back at my long hair i was struck by how demure i used to look w/ long hair. HAHAHA JOKE. I bet my guy friends will be like demure, what??!?!?

It's 4AM & i rly gotta sleep else I'll be late for driving tmr OR mount a kerb while tryna park.

Frankie's gna kill me boohoohoo.

Oh and one last thing...

#BroCode #WeGotTheSwag

cravings

2011-06-28T15:29:00.001+08:00

(image credit: ladyironchef.com)

(image credit: ieatishootipost.sg)

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Can someone bring me to Taiwan just for Ah Zong Mian Xian? No other mee sua can compare to the one we had at ximending. Also, all the late night chats abt dimsum is making me crave for em. I want some custard buns from Victor's Kitchen right now hmph. & lor mai gai, kar gao, siew mai, bacons scrambled eggs & potatoes. Fat kid syndrome is acting up again sorry :<

Tonight, please no more cravings which i can't satisfy immediately. I am still waiting for @staceyshemaine to get her license!!! Don't be like ur loser friend here who can mount a kerb while reverse parking. Mwah xx

when love gets into the equation

2011-06-25T04:43:00.005+08:00

Falling in love can be so beautiful

And such a curse

This time I'm gna give it a shot cos my gut feeling tells me its gna work out

words can kill

2011-06-19T05:29:00.000+08:00

It's never easy to deal with tragedy in the family. I mean, no matter how desperate things can get, to leave behind your aged parents, child and wife just like that is so so mean and disheartening. But then again, who am i to judge when the going gets tough? The past 2 years I've lost my paternal grandparents one after another, a year after the other. This year, I was hoping hard enough that there won't be another death but well, shit happens. The worse is seeing my dad getting teary eyed and choking on his words. I hate seeing people sad :< Well, wherever you are, i hope you've found peace in your heart.

**********

Somehow I feel really offended with the choice of words some people use on me. I am fully aware of the choices I make and behind every choice there is a reason for it. I don't make decisions based on spur-of-the-moment thinking. Used to, but not now. Like i said, you can choose to disagree with my choices but as a friend you can only respect what I choose and not judge me. If you choose to judge me then fine, get away from me I don't need you in my life, complicated as it alr is. You don't know all the struggles and disappointments I faced, no matter how small it is it all added up to a huge one. You can say, "Talk to me, tell me abt it you'll feel better? Maybe I can help?" Face it, I'm not comfortable sharing all these shit that'd happened before, and neither do I see a point in bringing up past shit.

Also,

I am still a Christian & I believe in God.

If the first thing which pops into your mind is, "you don't even go to church what r u talking abt?" then STFU go away I deem you judgmental and not my friend. If your point is for me to "redeem" myself before I head to hell, then thank you for your concern. You know what? Why don't you let God judge me instead for all the words I curse and alcohol I drink, along with the shit I caused?

Lastly, I'm not sorry if this post offends you. I just think people have no rights to say things to me and push my thoughts and emotions to a frenzy when they've been a by-stander in my life.

jobs can suck my cock

2011-06-17T11:55:00.002+08:00

Timbre for some live music & booze & duck pizzas on a Tuesday. It's the first time I did beer instead of cocktail! Bulmers' the way to go yo! Then its walking on roads, shouting at each other & laughing like crazy asses. I know right, 20 and still so retarded. What to do, my life is rocking like that hahahhaha.

Okay in an hr, i just applied for a job and got a call of supposed acceptance with the question,"You girls don't have any visible tattoos or bright hair colors right?" I replied that my hair's kinda blondish red under the sunlight. So i had to send a picture in & get rejected cos apparently "your hair color is very nice, but I don't think it's acceptable for the event." Omg I SWEAR this is the first time my hair got social rejection?! Sorry that I like light and flamboyant colors lol.

CAN MONEY JUST DROP FROM THE SKY NOW PLS.

44

2011-06-14T04:05:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't have jumped into what I wasn't familiar with.

After the thrill & excitement wore off, what's next?

All the waiting, longing, and wanting..

I want more, yet at the same time the commitment scares me.

But then again, what commitment? Ha ha ha.

Yes this is all shit that goes on in my mind 24/4 now that I'm jobless and floating arnd while waiting for school to start. Unimportant yet it weighs my mind down.

california king bed

2011-06-12T03:37:00.001+08:00

Mmmmmm, Rihanna does red-head & sexy so so well.

Love love love!

sailing along the deep blue sea

2011-06-11T04:00:00.002+08:00

1) TP's Graduation Ceremony! I'm so so proud of myself for enduring 3years of shit and making it despite the many failures and thought of giving up. Also proud of my mates for making it tgtr & not dropping out! Nothing can beat a graduation ceremony w so many pictures w my loves!!!

And here is a video of me getting my diploma, courtesy of my dad who recorded it! So thankful I didn't trip and fall flat on my face!!!!!!!

*************

2) Royal Caribbean Cruise to M'sia with the Family. It's the first trip i took with my family in abt 2 years! 4 days tgtr and I swear it's more than enough. Ahahaha, still very thankful for this trip cos we got slack eat and eat more, everything was so chillaxe and best part was we're away from SG! So anyway, the pictures were taken using my Lomo & Holga! Loved how it turned out :) Pictures from my Canon went up to 500ish shots & I rly cldn't be bothered to scroll thru and filter all the fugly pic, so none from digicam!

*************

3) So I got a new layout for this blog! Along w a cbox by the side for comments... I know right, how old school?!! Haha. Well, I rly don't know whose reading this blog & I'd love to know who exactly are you?!! R u a close friend/good friend/stalker? Leave a tag & say hi pretty please!!! :)

4) (So, this was on my wishlist sometime in September last year...) Am super happy to say that I've got my Fisheye Holga & MacBook Pro striked off the list! Still getting used to my Mac, and loving how I can say "my mac" ahahaha.

5) I hated the way I handled all this shit, but what's done have alr been done and I can't turn back time. Can we at least be friends?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2011-06-08T05:00:00.004+08:00

i feel

safe

secure

protected

& that's all i need

♥ thank you ♥

take drugs

2011-05-30T14:06:00.008+08:00

People judge & say hurtful stuff when they know nothing.

At least I know these are not my friends,

at least I'm learning to be stronger every single day.

a little bit of love everywhere

2011-05-23T03:08:00.005+08:00

A little bit of what's been happening in the absolutely crazy month of May.

Perth 2011:

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& the special few who made my 20th such a happy one

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Siangling's 21st @NSRCC Chalet:

**********

Stan's 21st Bash:

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Wenkai's 21st @ MBS:

**********

Then there's Graduation Day on Thurs, and Royal Caribbean Cruise on Fri to look forward to. That wld sum up the month of May for me. It's been a helluva ride so far but I'm loving every single bit of it. Here's to more in June!

2011-05-18T02:51:00.003+08:00

Friends, lovers or nothing,
there can only be one.

Maybe someday I'll look back & think what a fool I was to give up on someone
as beautiful as you, as sweet as you, as wonderful as you. But for now this feels like the right thing to do, no matter how much my heart ached & tears spilled.

There will always be a space for you in my heart today tomorrow & forever.

a little bit

2011-05-12T01:47:00.002+08:00

Current playlist:
A Little Bit Stronger, Sara Evans

***

I always tell the girls, never take it seriously. If ya never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If ya never get hurt, you always have fun. And if ya ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.

--Penny Lane, Almost Famous

I just... wna go away for a year and stop thinking abt school & r/s.

Words always fail to express my thoughts.

flirting with trouble

2011-05-10T01:54:00.004+08:00

I wanted to upload pictures of Perth & all the other shit that's been happening but then I realized i'm too fuckin lazy to do it. Please add me on facebook.com/snowysharon for your viewing pleasures.

I just turned 20 years old and if I said that I didn't fully comprehend my actions I'd be lying. I'm at the transition towards being an adult and hell do i like to flirt with trouble. I asked for it, and now I'm paying for it.

Amidst all the shit that's been brewing in my goddamn fickle heart, I'm thankful for the people who are there to talk some sense into me. It's nv easy to face shit alone, and there they are, listening to me & then knocking sense into my head with harsh words. At the end of the day, I know you guys got my back no matter how much you don't agree with the shit I'm doing. Thank you soo.

aftermath

2011-05-02T21:00:00.003+08:00

Every single time I experience something new/exciting, I nv wna go back to the old.

That's what I absolutely hate abt myself. So immature and childish.

Now I don't know what to do.

So upset and lost.

perth perth baby

2011-04-23T03:05:00.003+08:00

***

I won't even start on how surreal it is to be able to head for another getaway in less than a month. It's all thanks to generous parents who agree that traveling is part of growing up while seeing the world and experiencing the different culture. But my mom was supa lame she was like,"Go there no shopping no buying bags or shoes or clothes or else when you come back no more allowance and I throw it all away!" Omg then I go overseas for what?!! & then there's the dreaded process of packing. I rly hate packing idk what to bring and whether enough is enough, so I tend to overpack and this time, since my hugeass luggage gave way after my immense stuffing of shit from the TW trip, I'm forced to use the smaller luggage, and I swear there's not enough space at all? My bra casing can easily take up 1/6 of the entire luggage space.

Well, this will be my first trip overseas ALONE, and I'm rly excited abt it for some reason. Part of me is hoping for some fairytale seating arrangement where some cute guy will be sitting beside me and we'll start yakking abt life and all those shit, while the other part of me is secretly praying that I won't miss my flight due to stupidity and carelessness. I think the latter is more bound to happen. I juz hope I won't leave my stupid iPhone lying arnd and get lost in the airport. That would rly suck.

OKAY GOAT FARM TMRW!!!!!! :)

absolut obsession

2011-04-14T05:03:00.004+08:00

So digging these collectibles.

---

So for my 20th, I'm ttly thinking of camping at Ubin, building a campfire, toasting s'mores, blasting music and drinks all night long. By that I rly mean no h2o allowed. I guess it's inspired by eps after eps of PLL. I mean, a buncha friends hanging out tgtr for a birthday celebration with drinks music = fun fun fun right? But then again, no proper public amenities, the thought of being killed by stray dogs and the hassle of moving from one island to another is enough to make me wna drop the idea.

I rly wanted my 20th to be special, in a non-intrusive kinda way with. It's like, juz a year before I'm completely legal to do shit like move out, elope to a foreign country, quit school, or juz bum arnd for the rest of my life.. But yeah, i'm stuck.

Maybe i'll go bungee jumping, or parachuting. Or what if I say, "Dearest qt3.142, all i want for my birthday is for us to be at USS, sitting all the hardcore rides like Battlestar Galactica, Mummy Returns.." That's all I want for my birthday: your company at a theme park.

Pretty pretty please?

buried in a landslide

2011-04-11T03:39:00.003+08:00

Please juz let me know if I got into any schools at all. I cannot stand the waiting and floating around. I cannot stand having to wait til June for replies. I cannot stand that sinking feeling every time someone post on FB/Twitter abt interviews/offer of acceptances. I'm juz being a sore loser and jealous bitch right now i know i know i know. I wish I have smth to fall back on. Like hey parents so damn rich juz quit school or head overseas set up my own business and screw academics? Good plan! Har de haa.

I had a great weekend so i thought hey it's not fair i get to be so happy hmmm let's think of smth to make me supa anxious and pissy! Way to go. Aye wdvr I need to work again tmrw. & if I'm even thinking of GTL, i gotta sleep like now. SUXXXTBM.

dancing at work

2011-04-07T16:43:00.003+08:00

Okay so today I brought the iPad to work, and inserted a SIM Card for 3G usage over 3days. Now I'm regretiing my decision cuz it's not like I'm in need of Internet right. I juz needed to book my flight ticket. A flight out of town and into a new place. Heck, I don't even have to shop there it's juz so so nice to be able to breathe in a new land. That's why $$$ is so important nowadays. Without $$$ I can't do any shit. I can't buy clothes I can't pay my bills I can't go out to eat I can't pay for my driving lessons I can't even go out. So I applied for 2 other jobs to add on to my current job. Lol over ambitious much? Good thing is that the hours are flexible and I get to people watch *_*

So my week consists of these: work gym tan work work shopping dinners work work gym tan. I found out that i rly dig the intense ache in my thigh after every jogging session. It makes me feel healthier (for some reason) and I'm finally justifying the monthly maintainence the parents have to pay. I also get to indulge in the yogurt I treat myself every time I'm on the job, spammed with portions of fruity pebbles, rainbow sprinkles, Oreo, strawberries and kiwi. And sometimes a little caramel sauce on top hehe. Like now Its sooo yummy!!!!

& I rly gotta say this- so far the year 2011 has been awesome. And without a doubt it will be even smashing! W so many 21st birthdays to attend. So stoked for some reason! Will blog again real soon! xx

get it right

2011-04-04T03:35:00.002+08:00

This entire song juz killed me.

if you don't know me by now...

2011-03-31T02:28:00.004+08:00

When I saw Stefano Langone in American Idol during the auditions, I fell in love with him- his eyes, smile and voice. He make me wna fall in love all over again <333

₩

2011-03-27T10:53:00.001+08:00

Lay in bed tossing & turning from 3AM, til now & its 1045AM. Closed my eyes, battled against the darkness and willed myself to feel the tiredness. I've nv felt so much frustration in awhile. It reminds me of wanting something so badly but sometimes it's juz not within control. I don't know which is worse, the apparent lack of will power or the helplessness.

I'm looking at my shorts & thinking why is it so frickin' loose & at the same time willing the tears to stop.

if i die young

2011-03-23T03:30:00.002+08:00

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

---

The life of a Night Owl-

TV
Food
Online Dramas/Varieties
Web surfing
Youtube
Blog
Constant need to stop thinking abt food
Succumbed to temptations - Food

And then there's something which I'm dying to bitch abt but i'm not prepared to get shit thrown at me or a phone call asking me to stop or delete my post. Sounds familiar? Cuz it's you i'm hating on. You and your loose cannon mouth, always dying to prove a point, til you hurt so many people and cause shitload of rumors. You and your pathetic need dramatize and over exaggerate matters. On behalf of all the couples who got bitched abt when they weren't arnd, fuck you and your dirty little mouth.

don't want an ending

2011-03-22T03:04:00.005+08:00

My heart is running on empty
One more day and then we go
And, yeah, the time goes on now
Don't ask me how, I don't know

We'll be home tomorrow
'Bout a thousand miles too far away
Say you won't forget and I'll be okay

At least tonight
It's just you and me and honestly
That's everything I need

It doesn't feel right to whine abt my problems when the world is literally falling apart right now.

And i juz realized w amazement that I managed to avoid death twice.

1) Japan trip was scheduled in April 2011, 2 weeks after my trip to TW

2) Coupla days after our arrival in SG, Taipei got hit by a 5.5 mgntd earthquake.

Also, Mom was scheduled to Japan for a business meeting in end march.

By a stroke of luck/fate/God's intervention the trips did not happen in the midst of a natural disaster. I cannot imagine how it would be like to be caught in a situation like that, or if I was the one in SG while Momma is in Japan. So thank You.

/quote

2011-03-21T01:41:00.003+08:00

No one really ever wins in heartbreak warfare.

sober & awake

2011-03-19T06:03:00.001+08:00

Back from the TW trip & was it a blast! The awzm cold & chilly weather, variety of nice & helpful people we met there, meeting Celebs I've watched on variety shows countless of times before was surreal. Also the shopping and food transported to heaven! But well, I cannot possibly be in heaven all my life. The 10 days passed awfully fast no matter how much I willed it to stop.

Came back home to more good news in the middle of the afternoon: Results for my entire year 3 of study & internship! I did well the entire sem, so much so that it shocked me! I'm juz proud that my hard work reaped in such results. I can even show Momma and she went,"Wa not bad what?" Never been so thankful in such a long time.

Now I've got to start thinking abt furthering my studies. I can't believe how fast it all came to an end. 3 years of poly juz like that. For me, Poly did not equate to freedom. Instead, it was a process of growing up & learning to place work & fun side by side. I lost track of my priorities in the beginning & that was my failure & only regret. Aiming for substandard marks when I could have done more.. Well at least I kinda bloomed somewhere sometime before graduation!

I rly h8 being sober sometimes cuz of all the thinking and contemplating it'll bring me. In short, I'm an escapist. I do well escaping emotions, pressing decisions and truths. I get lost under my own emotions and how uncertain it all is. Pressure can shape a person but it can also destroy dreams & hopes. I know what I want; hopefully i won't get lost in the midst of pressure and the education system. Will be glad to get Uni all sorted out & end my depressing thoughts & sleepless nights. Clinging on to my final dream and hope.. A miracle will happen somehow.

Goodnight y'all.
XOXO

post exams week

2011-03-05T23:45:00.005+08:00

So the past few days have been so so happening and cost consuming! The two days of paper was horrible, with lack of sleep due to stress on Sunday night for MMNS paper, which went quite well save for the part my mind ttly blanked out for a particular question, which made me sat in the exam hall for 30min to no avail. & straight after the paper we headed to Expo to mug til we dropped! Like literally. It was also the first time I mugged til I couldn't take it and slept at 10pm, to wake up at 430AM to continue mugging til paper started. And epic was being early with the mates, and then we got lost because we couldn't find the god forsaken MPH! Reached exam venue at 945AM when paper started at 930AM. LOL panic attack was so apparent on everyone's faces.

Anw i had so much fun once paper ended, w steamboat @shemaine's place, and HTHT/Supper with the gang at my place after. I love how we could talk and talk and talk and bitch abt different people without stopping? HAHA! The rest of the week passed in a blur, w me screwing up my body clock, working, and random meetups w friends. I'm glad that we survived 3 years of TP tgtr! Started tgtr, and ended tgtr.. Obvsly that wasn't the ending, but in a way it felt like a closing ceremony kinda thing. So now, 2 important dates to look out for: March holds the results, and May's the graduation ceremony itself. Heck, i think the day I return from Taiwan would be the release of Exams results?!!! Holy cowwww.. Swear I'm not gna think abt it at all!!!

For now, I'm off to TW til the 17th! Kinda anticipating it in a way, yet strangely weirded out by the fact that I'm heading overseas w 1 supa familiar face and another 2 new faces. Hoping that the trip will be a fruitful one! And hunnybunnz, I'm so sorry this had to fall on the period of time you're having your 1 week leave :< but you know i wurrrrve you so much right! xoxo

/block

2011-02-25T04:28:00.005+08:00

Looking at Uni applications is making me depressed again. Idk where to go what choices to make what route to take. & in Singapore the education system juz destroys your dreams and hopes completely. If you're not doing well academically, it's like half the battle lost. There are so many foreign talents around, and they understand the need to do well right from the start & no one's gna wait for me to finally bloom and realize that studies and grades are everything. Every single fucking thing. The feeling of constantly having to compete & struggle.. I rly rly hate it. I'm struggling to make this sem's results count for something & right from the start of Year 3 my hopes were on Internship but honestly it was juz a major screw fest how the project interview turned out; its even like a mockery. I've been tryna psycho myself that all the hard work would produce some results but deep down i know it would take a frickin miracle to turn this situation around. So why, why on earth am i even trying. I wish i could believe in something again cuz everything physical emotional and humane can be so hurting at times.
At least, I wish i could believe in myself.

fuckin' perfect

2011-02-24T03:33:00.003+08:00

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're perfect to me

Censored version of Fuckin' Perfect by Pink.
I swear she's the one of the most talented artiste I've heard everrr. <333

g33ky

2011-02-22T00:22:00.003+08:00

Today I tried sending study waves to my brain... and fell asleep while doing it. The determination i have, it's the story of my life man. Finally handed in ADVDASE proj after like 3hrs in the lab, and that alone placed a big smile on my face. Gong cha & Ikea for a celebratory meal, after which I went, "Eh exams like haven't even started yet hor?" :O Oopsie daisieee

racing against time

2011-02-20T21:18:00.002+08:00

Comfort food always helps me to get through the day. So now, study week has officially commenced. Which means in exactly 9days i'll be unofficially a graduate of TP! It's a wonder how fast these 3 years passed. I'm sooo glad to say that most of the memories I've had are such happy ones, thanks to good friends around. Right now back to my mugging shoes! ADVDASE is so close to being completed, and then 2 papers to conquer.

grilled cheesus

2011-02-09T02:54:00.002+08:00

I know you don’t believe in God. You don’t believe in the power of prayer, and that’s okay. To each his own. But you’ve got to believe in something. Something more than you can touch, taste or see. Cause life’s too hard to go at it alone, without something to hold on to, and without something that’s sacred.

-- Glee 02x03, "Grilled Cheesus"

Caught Glee while randomly surfing the channels while studying. I AM SO DEAD FOR THE QUIZ TMRW CUZ IDK WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN TUTORIALS. Why oh why did i copy without processing & now i dont understand any shit. & sadly I'm not one of those who can still get good grades w/o studying, which is also my greatest flaw in life >:(

I like what Mercedes said to Kurt bcuz it made so much sense. With friends you know that nothing is permanent, but w God well, he's always there and you know you can juz lean on him whenever you want. It used to be easier juz listening & following rules, then I grew up & realized that there is no perfect definition of how to be a christian. People can proclaim their faith so strongly yet are hypocrites to the word they preach. I'm sorry i can't do christianity as well bcuz it bothers me so much, being judged & judging others. It's like something I cant stop & that alone is hypocritical. Maybe i should juz be a Scientologist.

random fact

2011-02-06T04:21:00.003+08:00

I like to be hugged to sleep bcuz it makes me feel so protected. Like if you know the week's gna be rough or you might have a nightmare, at least there's something to feel comforted by before closing your eyes and letting your sub conscience bring you somewhere you have no control over...

Anyway happy lunar new year y'all! Rabbit year means everyone shld eat more carrots and stop being mean to animals! Heheh. I had fun for new year this year, w the amt of angpows collected making my bank acc fatter & also the company. I hope next week wld be smashin as well? Oh pretty please let my plan work outtttt....

holy fuckamole

2011-02-02T03:35:00.003+08:00

Sitting infront of the TV watching Grey's, getting emotional and filling in an application form with no intention of submitting it. I don't know how I'm gna do this when I don't even believe in myself. So fucked

230AM

2011-01-26T02:32:00.002+08:00

It's Wednesday tmrw, supposedly my off day from school. I actually had plans to stay in til noon, then go shopping for CNY. But nooooo, there's extra classes tmrw and I'm going for it. Why? Cuz I need to be a geek. Cuz I need my grades to look good this sem. Cuz I've been doing well for the prev term and there's no way I can let lack of sleep and laziness get in the way. Not even gna complain juz lemme do well enough.

Omg dude i need to stop getting so stressed up over studies?!!! Last sem alr not as tho it's gna change much right. I swear times when i juz counter-debate myself can make me go crazy. Haiya wdvr la got school tmrw need my brains to work well. Time to koon

tw

2011-01-23T02:12:00.002+08:00

My ticket out of SG, yessssireee. Finally something is confirmed. Finally my future doesn't seem so bleak. Finally I've got something to distract me. Finally. Erghh I h8 how vexed I am and it ttly weighs on my emotional being, seeing that I can't sleep and would spend the night tossing and turning arnd. But hey! Taiwaaaan, shopping haven & foodie paradise <3333

And now, I'm waiting for my nails to dry. Then I'll prepare some sandwiches for picnic w the sugarpie. I think the good thing bout army is that I learn to appreciate what I have more. No more taking for granted the car rides, the company, and of course, the hugs.

vintage

2011-01-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

---

So I've finally gotten arnd to develop my Pinkysaurus. Loved how the pictures turned out! Now I can't wait to use my pink holga (pinkysaurus' sister, which I've not named). I've endeavored to bring my lomo, holga and polaroid cam out as much as I can. All these can pwn my dad's Canon Powershot anytime! Now if only I can get my hands on the Diana F+..... :D

And I'm so excited for the TW/HK trip! I hope the Hk part will come true, else it'll be juz the TW trip. Well, anything is better than plain ol' SG right?

right side up

2011-01-11T18:17:00.001+08:00

---

Skipped school today to.. wait for it.. wait for it... complete reports and assignments.

-_- I'm so interesting i could die.

Anw, i wna catch the Rocky Horror show!

It seems so sexy and mysterious.. and w a hefty price tag too.

So now i've resorted to asking the parents to acc me,

& at the same time pay for me too heehee.

Life kinda suck now that everything's linked to graduation, at least for me.

Trying hard not to think abt it and make the most of time!

Sometimes the more you think the more afraid you get

and the more you wna run away from reality.

The last time i tried running away i lost all control and messed up.

Fight no more flight okay.

K bye i needa work on APEL Reflection, at 800 words of it, and my CV.

Last sem to procrastinate bout school work!!!!!!!

(now idk whether to laugh or cry zzz)

done deal

2011-01-10T22:59:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, things juz doesn't work out;
Sometimes no matter how badly you want something,
you juz gotta let it go.

All i need now is to stop my heart. There isn't space for

regrets. Question is, will you still be my friend if my priorities and

yours are different? If i live for myself and not any others?

My friends will say yes.

2011 will be explosive.

til it happens in your heart

2011-01-06T02:48:00.001+08:00

For 2011, I've decided to use more brains and less of the heart. Look at where I ended for most of 2010, placing my heart over my head. People come and people go, juz as how change is constant. As a friend once said "there's a time and season for each friendship."

I made myself a promise that I'll blog more in 2011, write more talk less emote more. There's so many instances where I was so mad with people, kept it in my heart and told NO ONE until there's an intense aversion to the person. I swear that period of time, I juz hated myself so much for hating said person.

I also told myself that i should at least explore the world, more than what I'd done in 2010. See what clubbing is like, get drunk and puke over myself and get a hangover the next morning, travel overseas and live in hostels, volunteer for Make A Wish.. And of cuz, get into a Uni. God knows how long I've been contemplating what path to take after Poly. Now that it's juz 2 more mths before I graduate unofficially, I'm at a loss. Not sure what to do, but sure enough that i WANT to continue studying. The 6 mths internship was more than enough for me to know that I can nv work under someone. If anything, I'd like to be my own boss along with a few of my friends. But as always, money is an issue. For now, I'm gna do some traveling, continue at the yogurt shop, and explore my other options.

Wow it's 3AM and there's class at 11AM later. Idk how I'm gna wake up for it. And hey! I'm blogging 4 real now :) sure is therapeutic. K nightz.

2010: it's a wrap!

2010-12-31T18:54:00.005+08:00

Throughout 2010, my faith was questioned to an extent where i didn't see a point of even trying anymore. I guess too many things had been happening, and when I couldn't find an answer to it, something in me juz switched off. It didn't help that within 6mths, i had to send off both of my grandparents. The rituals and cremation was so emotionally disturbing and draining. So much so that i turned to drinking and getting high. This year alone, i polished off 2 bottles of Vodka within less than 10 drinking meetups. Which was rly scary in retrospect, cuz i didn't have any self-control.

This year also made me appreciate my friends so much more. Whoever said that in poly you can't find any real friends was SO WRONG. I found my coolest friends and ppl i can trust my heart to in them. I appreciate how i can bitch and be myself with them, yet they still accept me. Also, there's still my girls. For the years of friendship, love laughter and joy, and advice you've all given me, thank you all so much.

Not forgetting my boyfriend, the one i've fought with so much yet decided to stick tgtr with: you might be a pain in the ass sometimes forbidding me to club drink party or go out late but i know it's juz cuz you love me so. I love how i can trust you with my life and little secrets and know you're guardian angel for me. And also for your forgiving heart. I've broken my promises and done things juz cuz i know it'll piss you off, yet you still found it in you to love me again. XOXO.

And also to my family. If there's one thing my parents did right, then it's in bringing the 3 of us up. I love my siblings and parents to death, no matter how annoying they are, and i can safely say it's mutual. The number of times my parents save me from credit card bills, and gave me extra money juz because exceeds the number of fingers i have. So so thankful for them.

I can't predict 2011 but I can feel it in me that it'll be explosive! Here's to more fun, love, friendship and holiday trips! And of course, how can I end a post without showing off my latest bby?

that little post...

2010-12-05T01:15:00.002+08:00

This little space deserve more attention from me.

Will definitely be back with a post summarizing my year.

Ups and downs, good and bad. Everything.

finale

2010-11-25T22:01:00.004+08:00

6months of internship will be summed up into 1 final presentation.

The presentation to make or break my grades.

I can't even put into words how horrifying it feels,

now that it's down to just 1 day before the actual thing.

No inspiration for slides, the words just doesn't flow.

How do i even put into words the effort and time we put in?

The OTs we did, the amount of stress to hand in a project plan...

There is no way I can justify our hardwork without sounding whiny/complainey.

Anw, it's back to work, since i've been stoning from the afternoon when

everyone's working for the slides and being busy collecting info and scrnshots.

My turn to contribute something useful.

Good luck to us, God plz watch over the entire presentation and be with me.

Amen.

boycrush

2010-11-24T23:04:00.002+08:00

It was love love love and it passed us by.

lesson #58

2010-11-13T03:31:00.002+08:00

"People do stupid things when they're trying to act like they're not trapped."
"Was it ever the same again?"
"It was worse,then it was okay. Then it got better."

the walls are goin' up in smoke with all our memories

2010-11-12T00:37:00.002+08:00

only girl (in the world)

2010-10-24T04:19:00.003+08:00

This girl is mad love.

misery

2010-10-18T01:34:00.002+08:00

It's a vicious cycle, isn't it?

I could really use a wish right now

2010-09-15T11:38:00.005+08:00

Every night before I sleep, I say a 'lil prayer for you:
That God will be your light and path,
and no matter how tough the going gets,
you'll be fine cuz no one can be against you.

Imy, you fatty bom.

g33k

2010-09-06T04:52:00.005+08:00

By mid 2011, i will get myself-

1) iPhone 4G/5G

2) a MacBook pro

3) a real vintage polaroid

4) or a fake one

4) Diana F+ lomo

5) Fisheye Lomo

I've got a soft spot for vintage cams and apple products bcuz they're the best and ooze so much sexiness. Too bad it's too expensive and it's not a one-time payment. There's still films, accessories etc. Plus i know there's fisheye lenses for normal cams but nothing can quite beat the original lomo.

But now priority is getting my dental shit fixed cuz i can't stand the jabs and ops and the pain which follows after. The only good thing which came out of dental was that I realized I could get high on general anaesthetic. I can't even describe what high was because i was asked to breathe in a mask, and take 3 deep breaths, and then i couldn't feel anything but a tingaling sensation and lightness. That's life on a high. I wish i could do something bout the payment cuz momma miscalculated the total cost by 1k$ short and the shock which registered on her face was epic priceless. Plus my hug machine aka teenage dream wont be around to offer me a hug or lemme cry onto his shoulder when the pain gets overwhelming and even all the curses in the world don't help.

And oh, i'm learning to stop saving my posts as drafts and to publish them instead. A bit of emotions won't hurt in the run.

2145hrs

2010-09-03T01:08:00.001+08:00

I said,"Will you please elope with me? :')"
He laughed

Countdown

2010-09-01T04:24:00.001+08:00

14 days before my teenage dream becomes an army boy. I hope you'll still be my teenage dream then :') xx just for you.

childhood

2010-08-31T03:10:00.004+08:00

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words can never hurt me

but it can slice right through your soul, and stay deeply etched for a long long time.
I hope my love will not fleet just as my youth will.

wabbit wabbit meeeoww

2010-08-18T05:51:00.006+08:00

This picture says that I'm a wabbit meow

6AM in the morning and I'm still awake! Scared shitless cuz of the surgery later, and I know that if I don't get enough sleep i'll cry my way through. Atta girl! Anw, I miss mugging for exams and getting distracted by gossips and people. All these feels so foreign esp after more than 6mths of internship. And then even my friends feel foreign to me. I'd love to do a coupla stuff. stuff which damages and have an impact after. stuff you might get hooked on to. I hate mundane okay i wan excitement. All these doesn't make sense does it.

K nytenyte
xx

Love the way you lie

2010-08-15T12:10:00.001+08:00

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts

Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie

I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

-(Eminem ft. Rihanna)

Time is Love

2010-08-11T01:38:00.001+08:00

愛情真的有期限嗎？
我們走得愈近
卻愈模糊
時時刻刻都在心裡說我愛你
我努力的愛惜你
為何結果還是這樣？

唯有時間。讓愛。更了解愛
那你愛我有多少？

-----

Some people find happiness in love,and all things sweet. Others find sadness, and a lasting tinge of bitterness. Ultimately we just wna be loved by the right person. But why is it such a battle to love, and be loved?

King of Anything

2010-08-01T21:46:00.005+08:00

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.

-----

Running low on time, love, patience.
Tryna regain faith, peace, hope.
xx

Tonight's the Night

2010-07-24T00:34:00.001+08:00

I can't deny that I've lost my faith and my religion along the way.

What else did Jesus say?

2010-07-12T23:34:00.001+08:00

Neutron star collision

2010-07-04T02:20:00.005+08:00

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, it's time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere, chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know."

-Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Jessica, Valedictorian speech

And I've never told you,

2010-06-22T01:06:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday qt3.142!
Thank you for being my guardian since forever.
<3

you

2010-06-17T22:36:00.003+08:00

Your happiness makes me sad and pine for what I could have.
Your pictures paint a thousand words and a stab to my wounded heart.
The words you write made me smile but left something bitter as a parting gift.
I shouldn't, yet I did.

Every single day,

2010-06-08T11:33:00.000+08:00

I feel as though I'm growing up bit by bit, outgrowing what I used to seek and seeking what I had thrown aside.

Nineteenth

2010-05-14T00:56:00.001+08:00

I've been meaning to do up a birthday post but well, life has been hard on me. I feel like I'm PMSing half the time I'm awake, while the other half is spent zoning out to my Fairyland.

I did enjoy my 19th with people I love, and getting surprised was part of every year's birthday celebrations I realized. HAHA. Idk why I'm so expressionless because I was genuinely surprised and happy. Here's to the ppl who made my 19th rock, and many more awsm friends I made along the way who've left a footprint in my life.

I've never felt a year older than 17 though lollllllll!

Dreams

2010-04-08T11:21:00.001+08:00

We can have dreams, but ultimately, the education system we have ruins all hope of realising it.

Barely

2010-04-06T22:52:00.001+08:00

I've almost forgotten how to love, express, emote, feel and so much more.

Too busy believing the World of its deceitful nature, too busy concealing disdain, too busy being a part of what I detested in the past, too busy being cynical.

2010-04-02T01:04:00.001+08:00

When the World becomes priority,
and He is secondary
When hatred, hurt, anger builds,
and love, kindness, forgiveness crumbles

A repeated cycle of viciousness, egged on by the demented soul within. This is what I've become, and I'm ashamed of it.

2010-03-03T03:30:00.002+08:00

Growing up, Life was supposed to be a Fairytale
where you get trapped in a journey filled with trials and temptations,
wallow in self-pity, cry your heart out over circumstances
and wonder if anyone would come and save you out of this hell.
Then, of course, your Prince Charming would come
and sweep you off your feet.
And it's the End, to the start of a new Beginning,
where Happiness is the theme.

But right now, right now I only remember what it feels like to know love, and have it taken away.

2010-02-22T00:12:00.002+08:00

I wish my heart would listen to me and stop beating the wrong direction.
Because this is so wrong wrong wrong wrong.

2010-02-11T03:52:00.000+08:00

Really sleep deprived this entire week.
There's rituals tmrw and cremation on friday.
Guess what, I'm not prepared for any of it.
Too fast, too fast.

2010-01-06T23:13:00.002+08:00

I don't like how it
1) consumes
2) and torment every part of me.

Epilogue 2009

2010-01-01T04:21:00.003+08:00

2009 had really been an eye-opener for me. I cannot help but remember the myriad of emotions and situations I'd experienced.

I'll just have to thank God for keeping me through this year, where the downs were plentiful and the ups were few. Thank You for keeping me sane when I was about to do the stupidest thing(s) ever, for letting me have what I have right now, and for making me realize that at the end of the day,You are above all. And also, for letting me be surrounded by joyful people who will always stand by me.

I guess that in 2010, my only resolution is to do well in my studies and not disappoint myself anymore. And also, to build back my life slowly. I'm not saying I've a broken life right now duh, but to build back what was once my passion, which fizzled into embers. It's not gonna be easy but the least I can do is try, right?

Here's to an awesome and fulfilling 2010!

2009-12-27T01:46:00.004+08:00

even when i'm in a bad mood and am hating the whole world and when karma comes to bite me repeatedly. just stop thinking that i'll cheat on you or run away with whoever i'm talking too because erm my life is not a rock'n'roll tale. thanks for telling me that i'm beautiful and am not fat even though i am, and for the moments im having a bitch fit and you kept giving in to me (that's like everyday) i know i'm the hardest to please and so thank you for sticking by me for so long already.

i love you and will keep loving you til you go for army and then maybe i'll write this to someone else. Haha just kidding bunn! Merry X'mas!

love,
sharon 25.12.2009

2009-12-06T02:28:00.002+08:00

Yet sometimes it feels as though it's slipping

through your fingers bit by bit.

2009-11-29T22:24:00.002+08:00

I wish:

I had the guts to tell you that you deserve better,
instead of complaining, cursing and whining to my classmates and my friends.

I did not believe blindly in what you said.

I made things clear to you and not let you wait for what was not meant to be,
cause it makes me sad to see my awesome girl fall apart so badly.

I could make God hear what I want and turn it into reality immediately.

I could smack you hard in the face and ask you to fuck yourself upside down because of your disregard of everyone and everything. Your deceitful nature will get to you one day. Your lips of deceit will be your downfall. Your jealousy will throw you into the pits of burning hell and take every bit of happiness and joy away from you.

2009-11-24T21:53:00.002+08:00

L-O-V-E

---

Am working on an awfully expensive (considering I'm darn broke) project called Project Christmas. I hope I can rush it out in time for X'mas.

Happy studying in the meantime guys!

2009-11-18T15:07:00.001+08:00

and remembering it for what it's worth.

2009-11-13T23:32:00.002+08:00

The thorns in the Rose,
that's what you are.

I really don't know what to do,
because you're falling, falling deeper
into the abyss
Far away from Hope and life.

I desperately need to tell someone
because it voids my heart of any warmth.
Before I fall into the abyss of Hatred and lose myself there.

God, maybe this time You'll answer me.
Maybe, but who am I to ask?

2009-11-13T00:11:00.005+08:00

It's still the same mundane cycle.
And you know, I am hanging by a thin thread before I give it all up. What's the worth in me hanging on when it's obvious I've got nothing to give? Why rob better people an opportunity to teach and share when I lack these?

And why do I still have to watch my words when I just feel like telling you to stop! i don't want you stay like that live like that, and you to trust me no matter how I broke you repeatedly, and you to know that I'm always here regardless, and you to stop hurting yourself.

Sometimes I struggle too much with myself, until I stop communicating and expressing. Funny how shut-down I am to communicating in a proper manner when I'm so versatile in bullshits and up-yours kinda talking.

As they say, you win some and you lose some too.

2009-11-01T23:37:00.001+08:00

I am so happy these days that I'm half-expecting my happiness to be snatched away from me. It's something they say along the lines of Happiness is shortlived.

I desperately hope not.